wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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