I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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