you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
