woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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