i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
