Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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