she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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