I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
