i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
