Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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