before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
