it was like eating out sand paper
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
