Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize