So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this just has baby written all over it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
