remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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