you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
