So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
