I just saw a hot homeless man
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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