A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
