i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
