It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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