its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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