Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
