He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
