I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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