when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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