Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
