I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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