I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
