so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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