I'm gonna have a badass scar
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
