I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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