Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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