if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
