don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
