she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize