I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
