So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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