Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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