Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize