Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My pussy is not your playground.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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