i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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