I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Say something about gay babies.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
