i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
