My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize