ya dads aren't the best wingmen
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I didn't notice because vodka
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
