i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
