Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
