we're blogging at a bar
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
