So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
