Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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