I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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