I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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