I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
