who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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