i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize