Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
