I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize