$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
