its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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