Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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