I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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