Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
