we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
