fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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