you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
