I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
