Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
