Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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