That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize