im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
