Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
