dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
