hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
