oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
