if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
