So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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