I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
