Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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