My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
