I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
