she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
