Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
