man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
