haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
