You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize