Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
