Please, let me fuck your mom
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize