Pants 0. Shit 1.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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