State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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