you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
