I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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