I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
