she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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