You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
