Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
