she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
