I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
