Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
