I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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