Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
