remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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