Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize